tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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