In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
