someone get that fucking seahorse.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my shit smells like andre
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
