you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
50% drunk capacity currently
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
