I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
