Non-Jews are for practice
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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