He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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