david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
