and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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