I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
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Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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