this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
