Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
