hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
honey bunches of taint.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
