Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
