Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
