just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
