It's Friday. Sex?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
