i just made my gag reflex go away.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize