Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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