So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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