I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
