I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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