so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
