I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
