I CAN MOONWALK!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
