return my video game
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
