At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
