3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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