Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
