im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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