In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
