After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
