I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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