My friends, they love my intelligence
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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