Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
