Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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