just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
