u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I intend to get homeless drunk
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow