You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now