so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.