I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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