I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I need moral support for this bender
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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