how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
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RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
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He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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