Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
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