I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
