i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
