so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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