My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
