You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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