I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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