Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Randomize
