well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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