i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I could fuck to npr.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
