My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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