just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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