so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
