Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
