So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
