Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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