You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
