I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
