I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
